May 21, 2017


question: why are you being so uncomfortable?
answer: you're not being yourself

question: after being "yourself", how do you feel?
answer: i wonder why everything is still the same

question: is it that "being myself" was never good enough?
answer: ...

question: didn't your personality got you the friends you wanted?
answer: yes and i'm glad that they understand me but it may be a factor why we just stop there

question: maybe you haven't found that person that can let you be you?
answer: or maybe i was too hidden for people to want to show who i was.

question: maybe you're just overthinking this?
answer: maybe i am making this difficult on myself but if it didn't
go smoothly this many times there must be a problem somewhere but where?

i'm sick and tired of always asking if i was the problem
has it always been me that's wrong

become a mystery that people would want to know.

// 2017 juniper's review //

question: did you finally found the answer you needed?
answer: yes.

// it feels like a waste to delete something i used to felt on my blog which is the exact place where i'm able to throw my emotions around without having to care about what other people felt, it seems appropriate.
// turns out the past me couldn't grasp the basics of social communication and i'm glad i finally knew how to and accept myself for the type of person i am. sorry to everyone i grew cold to and haviung this realisation late.
// it looks like i still had a "phase" at the age of eighteen.

April 25, 2017

eleanor & park.

"He always felt like he should say something to her, even if it was just hello or excuse me."

"It's not even like that, and thinking it made her want to cry, because she knew it was true."

"The only thing she didn't like to think about, about Park, was what he could possibly see in her."

"His voice was deeper than she'd ever realised, but sort of warm in the middle."

"She never felt like she belonged anywhere, except for when she was lying on her bed, pretending to be somewhere else."

"Park had the sort of face you'd painted because you didn't want history to forget it."

"And when eleanor smiled, something broke inside him. something always did."

"She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was nice supposed to make you feel something."

"His eyes missed her as much as the rest of him."

"It was because she was different - because she wasn't afraid to be. (or maybe she was just more afraid of being like everyone else.)"

"Eleanor was always seeing him in unexpected places. It was like their lives were overlapping lines, like they had their own gravity. Usually, that serendipity felt like the nicest thing the universe had ever done for her."

"He tried to remember how this had happened - how she went from someone he'd never met to the only one who mattered."

"What were the chances you'd ever meet someone like that? Someone you could love forever, someone who would forever love you back? And what did you do when that person was born half a world away?"

- as every teen love book lover, i'll admit that it was something worth reading. even though i thought the story was pretty cliche and i didn't exactly like eleanor's character, the romance part of park got me hooked. every time he says i love you my heart aches.

- it's definitely an interesting story that brings out on the ideals of most characters in love stories where two of the most claimed unattractive people fall in love with each other. it's a wonderful story that gives out an amazing message on how appearances don't matter when you truly love somebody. how people view you may be different to everyone else and that it's okay to embrace yourself for who you are.

- my favourite character was park. he was so selfless, brave and loving. i honestly don't think eleanor deserves him with all that mess she's putting him in ohmygod i really didn't like eleanor's character, i find her intolerable. and also about park's mom, i love her korean accent. very cute.

- i imagined park to look like evan ghang from buzzfeed. he fit the cute punk boy korean look. on the flip side, i couldn't put anyone's face on eleanor. she is definitely a special character. it's too bad that they aren't making a movie out of this. i wonder who would make a good eleanor.

// i'm not sure what i'm doing rn. i'm wandering.